How to Stop Self Sabotage – Coaching Lesson #1
You have all the motivation in the world to lose weight. You’re doing everything right: you eat healthily, avoid carbs and mini-malls with tempting FroYo counters; you even take some exercise.
Then the weekend hits. You’ve promised your friend you would drop by her party. You ate before in preparation—you will avoid the dessert table. You make a point to engage in conversations away from the food. You’re doing great; you’re on the right track.
Hours later, after your third cocktail, you lock eyes with the chocolate mousse cake. A little voice in your head reassures you that, “Just one bite won’t hurt.” You are tantalized by the spoonful of mouthwatering moussey delight only to realize minutes later that you’ve just scarfed down a great big chunk of cake. Your first thought is, “Oh God, I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!”
Then guilt logic kicks in. “Well, I already blew it, so I might as well have another piece. I’ll get right back on track tomorrow.” After more chocolate cake, you go on to a “sampling” of everything on the whole damn table. By the time you get home, you’re so overwhelmed with guilt that you continue to binge until you’re absolutely stuffed.
Why is it that one minute you are determined and resolved and making all the right choices, and the next moment you’re sabotaging yourself by overeating?
This inner power struggle results when two competing parts of you want different things. One part wants to lose weight, and the other part keeps you from shedding those extra pounds for some underlying, compelling reason. Perhaps that reason is concern that you’ll feel deprived, or your friends will treat you differently if you look better, or maybe you feel afraid of a big change and are comfortable with the status quo. This part of you actually benefits from the extra weight.
Once you resolve this internal conflict, it will be easy for you to lose weight. So let’s examine the positive intention of the part of you that is against you losing weight.
Action Step #1: What’s Your Truth?
In this section, you are going to use something called a truth statement. A truth statement is simply a way to measure a belief you have about yourself.
For example, if you live in the United States, say out loud, “I live in the United States.” See what it feels like to say that. This will be your baseline of what a 10 feels like. (If you do not live in the US, use where you live to complete the statement.)
Now say out loud, “I live on the moon.” See what it feels like to say that out loud. This will be your baseline of what 0 feels like.
To rate feelings on the 0‒10 scale, I always tell people to use their intuition. The right number will just pop into your head.
In the comment box below, write down your answers to each of the following statements. At the end of your answer, rate how true the statement is for you on a scale from 0‒10. 0 would be not true at all and 10 would be absolutely certain.
What does this extra weight do for you?
It protects me from unwanted attention. 8
It gives me an excuse for not applying for the job I really want. 10
No one can reject me if I reject myself. 7
I can blame it for my not living up to my full potential. 6
Complete this sentence
If I were thin, I wouldn’t be able to:
Eat ever again. 7
Hide from the attention of men. 10
Feel afraid anymore. 5
What stops you from losing weight?
I don’t want to deprive myself. 6
It’s going to be too hard. 8
Everyone in my family is overweight. 9
I want to feel safe. 7
What did you learn about yourself? I’m sure you came up with some compelling reasons to keep the extra weight. These are not conscious reasons, but they stop you from reaching your goals.
Change can be scary. Stepping outside your status quo can bring up a lot of resistance in you and from the people close to you.
In the next lesson, I’ll show you how to reprogram these limiting beliefs with a few simple steps.
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