A sad story
I’m going to tell you a story about a woman I know called Sarah.
Sarah needs to lose 50 pounds. Ever since she was a kid she has struggled with her weight. Her parents would tell her things like “Honey, you’d be so pretty…if only you could just lose some weight.”
Sarah spent her childhood battling with one diet after another.
She grew up feeling deeply ashamed of her body, and of her inability to please her parents by slimming down. She developed more quickly than the other girls in her class and one day a boy cornered her behind a bush outside her school.
He grabbed her from behind and rubbed himself up against her and whispered obscenities in her ear. Sarah felt confused and too ashamed to tell anybody about the incident.
As a teen, the negativity at home continued. Her parents often compared her to her younger sister who was always sporty and slim, and a straight ‘A’ student.
It’s exactly this sort of common negative experience that creates weight loss blockers!
No matter how many diets Sarah tries, or how successful she is at losing weight, she’ll eventually gain it back because weight loss blockers make your body want to be fat.
Sarah’s first major weight loss blocker was formed when her parents started treating her differently because she was bigger than other girls her age. She developed a weight loss blocker that gave her the belief that “she was just naturally heavier than most people”. And guess what? She always was…
The second weight loss blocker was a result of her negative sexual encounter with that boy behind the school. That experience led Sarah to develop what I call the “I’m too sexy” weight loss blocker. Her body makes darn sure that it holds on to the extra pounds so that she’s not as attractive and confident as she could be. Again, her body wants to be fat to keep her safe from potential predators.
Her third weight loss blocker was formed over many years of not feeling good enough and rejected by her authority figures. This is the biggest cause of self-sabotage, weight issues, addictions, money issues, etc. It’s all connected! We learn how to treat ourselves by mirroring the way we were treated in our formative childhood years. If you didn’t feel respected, or heard, or loved, or good enough, you will grow up repeating those patterns by treating yourself the exact same way.
The good news is that all this can be changed!
Many students have removed their weight loss blockers! The best part is, the change is permanent! It’s not the temporary weight loss you experience from diets. When you address these core issues – aka your weight loss blockers – you remove them for good.
Was this story helpful for you? Can you identify with Sarah’s experiences?
Leave me a comment below and let me know if you learned something about yourself by reading Sarah’s story.
Update: This was one of my most commented on posts. I’ve copied some of the comments below so that you know you are NOT alone.
If you’d like help with YOUR weight loss blockers, you can apply for a spot to work with me 1-1 in Think and Thin Advanced program, Id love to help.
Sarah’s story could be my story. I can absolutely identify with it.
Sending love and light to all those parts of all of us that feel not enough, unloved, unsafe.
This story mirrors my life. I went through the same things, except the predator was an uncle. My parents would not hear me speak against him. I am now battling 100 pounds. But at least now I know why.
Hi BrittI want to thank you for this story, it certainly hit home for me.Growing up I was not respected, heard, loved, or good enough,in fact I was treated like a slave physically, mentally, and emotionallyby my mother! Shortly after my sixteenth birthday, she beat me intounconsciousness and that’s when my high school teacher and the principal stepped into the picture, and I was rescued by my grand-parents; needless to say I didn’t see or speak to my mother for four years. I kept all this suppressed for about twenty years, andcould not speak about it. When I finally was able to talk about it,I would become very emotional every time it came to mind. I never had any kind of professional therapy or counseling, and at 73 yearsold I still have nightmares about the daily beatings I received growingup!
A sad story. It’s horrible when dysfunctional families cause lifelong battles with weight loss, addiction, and money issues. I was molested and paid money not to tell. This affected me by everytime something hurt me, I would spend spend spend. This is a type of addiction, so yes I can relate and it’s sad no one acknowledges this these types of abuse whether mental or physical abuse. Thank you, Beth
I really appreciated that story. Several incidents as a child that I didn’t know what to do with and totally internalized. I have done tapping on those specific events and it really helped with my self love and realizing it wasn’t my fault. Very thankful for your program to deal with all these issues!
I was told my whole life I was over weight and put on diets by my slim Mother at the age of 10. For years she compared me to my skinny younger brother. I see pictures of myself as a child, and now I realize I was never fat. But I am now. So yes I know one of my blockers is no matter what I do I will always be fat to my Mother and brother.
I put on a little bit of weight when I ws 17yrs when I was depressed not alot just half a stone/enough to make me feel unattractive.
then over the years I would go up and down a bit depending on if I was depressed of not.
but not too extreme.
however 2 years ago after being on restrictive diet as advised by a naturoapath for my health- very limited cards and very limited fruit, when I busted I started to really binge and have put on masses of weight, even too scared to weigh myself. I have been an attractive person before this.
I dont have a “”fat”” history in childhood, I do have some sexual incident,
I have used the tapping methods a little that you gave before. Including the echo tapping- though the memories of my mother and grandmother who were in abusive situations came up alot.
I know I eat emotionally, but now I have binged so much that it is also jsut environment- if its there ill eat it ( I have son so there are things to eat in the cupboards…)
I have binged off and on n my life but never like this. Im 54 and the weight is going on very fast with how I am eating, just like my mother at this age ( she was also slim before that age)
is there anything you can recommend. I also have alot of resistance to the tapping,even though it might help!
I know I cna echo tap on any feelings that come up and that might help alot in that it is something I cn do before I choose ot eat, to slow it down, and also acknowledge the underlying the emotions an also process them
I also know that sexual fears ahve been triggered, but its strange that that is happening at menopause, as I have been slim and attractive before this. But now there is gyn pain, so maybe that triggered it…
IM dealing with the depression as much as I can but how I eat and look is adding to it. I know there are reasons that I am pushing myself down at this time in my life as well to do with my marriage- which is complex. I think the last one is the biggest block for me.
is there a coach I can talk to?
Yes I connected with this story the blocker that relates to early childhood experiences.
I have a Downe syndrome brother who needed alot of attention and all the various needs of mine were not met ,therefore I didn’t feel good enough I accepted the fact that I would not be heard.
As an adult I became very loud when in certain situations and didn’t really understand why until I read this EMail
I definitely felt identified with Sarah’s story. I had lost 57 pounds and was at my skinniest weight ever, when a job change, a very stressful job environment and other things, made me gain all my weight back plus 20 more pounds :(. I’m currently starting to see a therapist to tackle the mental weight block issues.
Thanks for sharing!
Sarah told my story and for once I am beginning to understand why I could lose weight but could never keep it off long.
I struggle with my self image EVERY DAY! I struggle with self esteem and I’m just figuring out that I spend money to make up for my lack of self worth. I figure that if I look good on the outside with my smile and perfect hair and makeup then I’ll ACTUALLY FEEL good enough and beautiful. I have lost almost 50 lbs because of my lap band. I would like to lose another 40. I still feel like a beached whale even though I have list a lot of weight. I deal with my weight issues all the time…from getting undressed to eating. It’s a daily struggle….I will get there! I want to feel comfortable and confident in my skin. I want to feel sexy..
It’s a real struggle!
Thank you for the story…been there…done that!
I have no idea if you read these emails or not, but I thought I would reply anyways.
I identify with Sarah’s story, too much really.
I was a bit of a chubby child, but active and healthy, however I was treated differently by my parents, family and friends.
I was sexually abused as a child, my parents ignored that this happened and I never healed from those events.
I was again treated differently by my family. I was a middle child anyways, but now I was the fat child that shamed the family.
I was constantly left out by my family particularly but also by friends, I imagine my parents blamed me for what my brother and the other boy did, much as I blamed myself for most of my life too. I grew up an angry child, constantly seeking attention, recognition and support, I suffered with a lot of shame, guilt and embarrassment from things that never should have affected me. I had bad anxiety and nervousness and felt the stress of an adult. I had my first bleeding stomach ulcer when I was 12, I learned to segregate myself and live independently from my family, unless I felt needed, I felt unwanted.
As a young adult I became an over achiever, I would do anything for anyone, and anything I did had to be done the best. I starved myself, I worked out tirelessly, I put everything into everything I did and if I couldn’t do it the best I wouldn’t do it. I lived off the recognition of how little Shari ate and how much Shari trained for sports, track, dance etc. But I remained over weight. Through starving myself in junior high I lost a significant amount of weight, but the boys still called me fat, I would starve myself all day, figure skate for 3 hours after school and fit in as many other work outs as I possibly could. Over the summer break of 8th grade I put back on all of that weight and more because I couldn’t forget my lunch, or hide out during lunch break at home, I couldn’t avoid family meals. I gained weight steadily though high school trying every new diet and every new workout, but no matter how much I worked out or didn’t eat. I just got fatter.
In college I was nearly 300 pounds, I was embarrassed to be alive. As a nurse I lectured my father on how unhealthy his atkins diets were, but when he lost 20 lbs in one month on the Bernstein diet I signed up! I lost 16 lbs that first month, and over the course of the next few months I lost 70 lbs. I was the thinnest I had been since I was a chid. I lost and regained 20 lbs every few years following that until I moved overseas for work, initially the stress with my families guilt for me leaving them before I left and my hectic schedule caused me to gain about 20 pounds, the stress of moving to a new country and new job caused me to lose 20 lbs, after some time I became settled in my life, I began to forget about the stress and hurt my family caused me, I began to travel and for the first time in over 20 years, i was happy. I lost weight so easily, I was on a strict low carb diet and I worked out A LOT, but I lost weight, 70 lbs feel off of me in a matter of months and I was thrilled. For three years I lived my own life, I still felt guilt for leaving my family, but I was free and I was happy. And then I moved home. in 2 weeks, i gained 20 lbs. in 2 months I gained 40 lbs. I tried to lose the weight with diet and exercise, but no matter what I did I couldn’t stop gaining weight. When I had gained 50 lbs in 3 months, I started another shake style diet. I lost a few lbs, but it was expensive and they made me sick with artificial sweeteners and I quit, only to gain that weight back and more. In desperation I went to the Biggest Loser Resort, I worked my but off and I lost two pounds, I went to counselling, I maintained an active healthy life, but I continued to gain weight, I went back to the biggest Loser Resort, I worked out 7 hours a day, and I lost only 1 pound. I was devastated, I was heartbroken, I felt lost and then I did lose. I gave up. And to this day I have given up, I do not exercise regularly, I do not maintain a perfect diet though I am celiac and can’t eat all the good stuff anyways, but I am unhealthy, and unhappy and for the first time in my life I am unfit, and it feels awful. I hate my body, and myself and I am once again embarrassed to be alive. I have worked so hard, exercised so hard, maintained strict diets, and yet in the end, I am fat, for no reason. I have given up on my body, and I am giving up on my life.
I feel that there is something wrong, beyond diet and exercise, and if there is any way to change that, I would like to.
Thanks, Britt! You know I’m very literal and a little too picky for my own good. I keep searching for things that make sense to me. Sarah’s story did! Especially the idea of being REJECTED by my authority figure(s). That really made sense to me in a way that I have not wrapped my head around yet. I’m still working on Self Sabotage—three weeks behind—but now I have a boost and a new way to think about it.
I ABSOLUTELY can relate to Sarah’s story. I have been looking at your website, and actually would like to sign up to be a coach. I am 50 yrs old and have probably right at 100 pounds to lose. And I want to do it for my health to be around to watch my grandkids grow up. But I am such a stress eater. And right now, my main stress is not having enough money. So if you ever figure out a way to do your program on scholarship or even partial scholarship basis, you can count me in! I need something like this very badly.
I’ve been overweight most of my life as well. I’m sure it all stems from my family life as well. I had a couple of aunts that were very large, and I remember as a child, I didn’t want that for myself. I actually obsessed about it. Then obsessing about it stressed me, and I would eat. Therefore, I became what I was stressing and trying so hard to not become. And of course that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Actually I probably have a couple of icebergs, but I’m sure you get what I’m saying. So I think subconsciously, mine started when I was a small child as well. Ugh.
Thanks for listening,
I have an adopted granddaughter that is now 8 and having an image problem with her family who are are thin and ‘little’. what is your solution? cc
“Yes, Brittany, your “sad”story was helpful. I am 100 lbs. overweight and was abused physically, emotionally & sexually as a child by my parents, especially my mentally ill mother. Then, a” so called” friend of my Dad’s who I was sent to live with for a while after my mother passed turned out to be a sexual predator. After getting away from that situation, I was subsequently severely emotionally abused by my jealous and resentful, selfish stepmother. My father has always been a hopeless measly mouse who could only strive to maintain his own peace and protection but never mustered up any courage to defend his own children (two daughters) and later their kids (his grandkids that he hardly knew).
As a little girl, even when I was away from home attending public schools, there were teachers and administrators who would insult me, pass me around between teachers (due to my parents’ ignorant lower working class status and behaviors). Back in those days, (I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s,) those teachers and school administrators turned a blind eye to my severe bruising received from strap beating at home. There were even times when they further terrorized me by threatening to call my parents when I did something wrong like accidentally dropping and breaking an expensive globe and one time when I was falsely accused of stealing from another child which resulted in another beating at home for me.
Consequently, I left home very early but soon found myself in other abusive relationships with exploitive males and later with an abusive husband. There were times through-out my life, when I found myself in work situations where I was resented for having had an interracial marriage in U.S. that produced four mulatto children. Sadly, I encountered some shocking prejudiced, bigoted co-workers and bosses and bosses.
Today at 64, I very much still want to better my life in many ways. One of those ways, is conquering my food addictions and losing the excess weight for good. To reply to your story about Sarah below, the connection between emotional abuse and battling weight gain is definitely a story that resonates true with me.
Are you sure her name isn’t Rebecca? I have sometimes wondered if the
teachings of my childhood are at the core of this extra 100 pounds..
Thanks for the moment of clarity.
This is so true, but we are unaware until it is pointed out to us. I think this will help a lot of people including me. Thank you, Jan
Wow… I can relate to this story but not from just a child’s perspective. I was an athlete as kid and didn’t have any weight issues until my adult life starting throwing me for loops. I had to come to terms with my anger issues due to sexual violence when I was a child. Lets just say I had some demons that needed to be addressed from those experiences. In turn I’ve had failed marriages.. Identity issues… Damn… The list goes on. I’m still working through my complicated life, I know I will be just fine… I have my Mama in Heaven watching over me…. I’m comforted by knowing she’s with me. Will I still have weight issues?? It’s a possibility that will be a part of my life going forward. But right now I’m doing ok… I’m at a weight that I like… I work my ass off to maintain it… That makes me smile that I can do that for me.
Thank you for email and letting me rant… I haven’t spoken of these experiences in a very very long time.
Thank you again.
Yes I learned something about myself it is the same pattern with weight loss their are times i don’t feel good about myself i lost all that weight and gained most of it back it was hard work it seems a lot of times whatever i start i don’t finish it.
I don’t receive your emails but a friend forwarded this one along about Sarah and her weight blockers. I completely identify yet haven’t been able to conquer the blockers. Getting tired
Thank you for sharing this poignant and touching story. Loved how you brought home the importance of dealing with the early childhood issues that in our adult lives become the stumbling blocks to reaching our goals. You and EFT rock!
I was bolemic years ago not anymore that’s a promise! Is always feel hungry I dream how fat I am! I am not that big I need to loose 10kg’s I was always fat and the only thing that I can think about is what to eat that won’t put on anymore wait!
Thanks for sharing! Sarah and I could be twins! The only difference is my parents didn’t treat me differently. Instead it was my friends and their parents!!!!
Thank you for all you do :)